Hard To Forget

Why is it so hard to forget you? It's been a week since we last talked when normally we talk every day. I'm trying to forget about you, but it's hard. I see things that remind me of you all the time, and my mind is trying to move on. I miss you so much, but I can't tell you that right now. I want to be with you, but I can't do that either. I'm trying to be strong, I'm trying to move past you, but that comfortable feeling I have with you is hard to give up. The only thing I know to do is to pray for you.

I pray. I cry. I forget. I remember again. And then I pray. The routine is repetitive, sometimes dreary and long. This week I had to come to terms with the fact that I was losing sight of myself, so I had to bring myself back into check. I was so concerned about you that I forgot about me. God is the only one who is going to change your heart, so it's best that I leave it up to Him. There's nothing else I can do. So I pray. I cry. And I pray again.

God, you know how much my heart hurts to have this ache inside me. You know how much I love people. How trusting I am. How open and sincere I am. I don't hold things back, and it's hard for me to be distant. Yet when I am real about who I am without the use of "games", it seems as if I get hurt. I'm tired of getting hurt. Again I pray. I pray for wisdom and guidance, kind words with meaning, gentle yet firm. Let me be true to you first, me second, and everyone else third.

Giving You the reins in any situation is so hard for me. It's not that I don't trust You, but it's that I can't see beyond right now. I also know what to pray for, but I don't want to out of fear of it actually coming true. I don't want this person taken away from me, yet I know that if it is not blessed by You, it won't be blessed at all. So again I pray. And of course I'll cry. But this time, help me to know You hear me.