Wilderness

I need to get away. I want to escape into a place where there are no distractions, no interuptions, and no time restraints. I want to go to a place where there is no electricity, no communication with the outside world, and no reality. That means no cell phones, no internet, no television. No hurt, pain, sickness. No need for anything other than my Maker. I need a wilderness of my very own, where I can cry out loud, where I can hear my thoughts, and where I can feel God.

I long to get away from the business of Orange County. I oftentimes forget how fast-paced it is out here. I go from one place to the next with a sense of urgency and feel the hours go by me as I feel like nothing has gotten accomplished. I find that I try to convince myself that I "need" the next best cell phone, the new expensive luxury car, and the house that costs more money. Paying $1,650 a month for rent for 1000 sq. ft. seems like nothing now, yet my bank account says otherwise.

I want to lay in the middle of a grassy field with mountains all around me as I breathe in fresh air, feel it brush over my face, and then feel the sunlight warm my body. I want to hear the birds chirp with delight, lay on my stomach and watch an army of ants build their home, and count the stars at night... wishing later on a shooting star as it bursts through the sky. I want to reawaken my senses and become more in tune with hearing what I need rather than what I want. Sometimes I find myself driving on the highway and imaging myself not turning onto the exit I need to, but rather driving straight ahead...on and on and on until I run out of gas and am stuck in the middle of nowhere. I want to be alone with myself. I want to clear my mind of all this junk so I can hear God more clearly. Can I just be alone for a minute? Can I just get away from "life" and allow myself to live?

(This picture was taken in one of my favorite places... Yosemite National Park.)

"Pick You Up and Hold Your Hand"

It's been awhile since I've had a "real" date, but tonight I had one. The "pick you up - hold your hand" type of date! It was exactly what it should have been.

Typically when I go out with a guy, I'll meet him at the bar/restaurant so that I have some control over the situation... especially when it comes to my privacy and safety about where I live. But tonight was different. I've known this guy for a couple months. He sings in the choir with me at church, and about two weeks ago I found myself noticing him more and becoming a little smitten. I went to Disneyland last Saturday and invited him on a whim, not thinking he'd actually agree to come! Well, it all started there at Disneyland... the happiest place on earth! By the end of the night, he was holding my hand.... and as cheesy as it sounds, on the "It's A Small World" ride, he had his arm around me and pulled me in closer to him. We exchanged numbers as he said goodbye and about 30 min. later he texted me saying we should do something again sometime. Of course I was smiling....

I saw him the next day at church and again at Tuesday night rehearsal. Wednesday, he asked if he could take me out tonight! I offered to meet him somewhere since he lives on the beach and I'm a little more inland, but he wanted to pick me up. Something inside me trusted him to allow him into my "domain."

He was early, which was fine, because I was ready (surprise, I know!). Picked me up in his Lexus (uh, HELLO!) and took me to the restaurant. I typically am not a "dinner and a movie" type girl, because I really think that seeing a movie on a first date is kinda pointless since you're really not talking to the person or getting to know them in any way. But this was nice. We laughed and talked for a good hour and a half or so at dinner and then walked down to the movie theatre.

We went to see "X-Men" and although I didn't have a clue as to what was going on, it was a good movie. (I hadn't seen any of the other X-Men movies nor had read the comics.) Before the movie begins, you know there's always previews. Well, since 6-6-06 is coming up this Tuesday, all of the previews were of scary movies. Call me a girl, but I was jumping and hiding my eyes at the previews! LOL! He reached over and pulled me into him closer. Aaaww! Later through the actual movie, he reached over and pulled my hand into his and interlocked his fingers with mine. And there they stayed for the rest of the movie as his other hand covered the top of mine.

* As a side note - stay until the very, very end of the movie.... after the credits... because there's a brief part that they show that will have to do with the next X-Men movie.

He drove me back to my place and offered to walk me to my door. I hadn't picked up my place prior, otherwise I would have invited him in, so he politely hugged me goodbye and that's how it ended. Naturally, I was nervous about if he was gonna try to kiss me or not, and it was more than appropriate for us to end it the way we did. As I sit here typing this out, I wonder in my head if I would have kissed him had he tried. Probably. But I'm not sure. Hmm.... anyway, it leaves him wanting more!

So for the first time in a long time, I was courted by someone who was actually interested in being a gentleman. Time will tell if his actions will match his words. That's typically the problem I have with men these days. They talk a big game, but they can't match it with their actions. Actions are huge to me, because it gives me a glimpse into your character. It shows me whether you hold true to your word, whether your dependable, honest, caring, and respectable. With most men, I've learned to enjoy it for the moment, because you never know when the moment is going to end. Sad but true. Some moments I'm glad have ended, but others I wish wouldn't.

Anyway, here's to another "first date"!! (I'm so tired of first dates by the way! They are all so predictable!)

a REAL date

It doesn't matter how many dates a girl goes on, I believe she still gets nervous for each "first" as if it's the first. At least I do! I have a "first date" tomorrow night!!!!!

I'm really excited about this guy. He called me tonight and we talked for a bit on the phone. About 15 minutes into the conversation, he asked me if he could take me to dinner and a movie on Friday night! Whoo-hoo! I was jazzed! Here I am a 27 year old female feeling the same excitement I did when I was 16. I'm going through the "what am I gonna wear" and "I wonder if we'll hold hands" and of course "will he kiss me" stage! Ah! I love it, though! Can you feel the excitement?

It's going to be my first "real date" in a long time. Like to the point that he's coming to pick me up! So sweet! I'm wanting this one to be different. He sings in the choir with me, and we've "known" about each other for about 3 months now... when he joined. Why is it when you date someone IN the church that things seem to be more awkward than dating someone OUTSIDE the church? Not necessarily someone who doesn't go to church, but someone that doesn't go to your church, per say. I think we're both trying to feel each other out as to what extent our Christianity lies... meaning how do we balance the world pressures and the Christian walk. Hopefully tomorrow there won't be a lull in the conversation and things will go well.

He's picking me up at 6:30pm, which means I'll be starting to get ready around 3pm! LOL! No, I'm just kidding. I'm late to EVERYTHING though, so I want to make a good first impression. I'll probably go out and look for a cute top to wear and then will come back and go through all the questions in my head of "what should I wear - jeans or pants? should I do my hair straight or curly? etc..." I suppose I should lay out at the pool for a little bit to get some fresh color on me! Gosh, I'm gonna have to wake up early tomorrow in order to get everything done!!

I'll update you sometime this weekend!