Six Years Ago... This Saturday

Saturday will be.... six years. Wow. How can life change in a matter of seconds? How can your life go from seeing things at a higher view and the next view you're sitting?

This time of year is always very reflective for me. Mixed with feelings of sadness, bitterness, and mourning... but also realizing that I wouldn't have had the opportunities I have now had this not happened to me. Mourning what I had, what I want, and what I know it could be like. I want my old life back, and sometimes these days are harder than I portray.

But I AM a strong woman... one who can endure MUCH PAIN and STILL hold her head up high. I don't need anyone to do it for me. I don't need your sympathy, but I do want your understanding. To realize that not everything is as it seems. To realize that I AM a woman with a heart, with emotions, with a mind. What I speak of doesn't stop me, doesn't get in my way, and doesn't make me "incomplete." I can almost gaurantee you that I know more about life and the value of living than most women here on earth. I know what matters. Just because I can't kick a soccer ball with you doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun. Just because you'll never see me stand in front of you in a short skirt and high heels doesn't mean I'm not alluring in my own way. And just because I can't dance with you in your arms doesn't mean I don't have joy in my heart. Life is more. Life has more for those who want it. MY life matters to me, and MY life matters to my Lord. Those are the only two people I have to answer to in the end. And I know my end almost came.... six years ago on Saturday.

Don't say you're not ready, because you never know when your readiness might not even matter. I was here today, I could be gone tomorrow. Just as it happened... six years ago this Saturday. It didn't matter what I wanted at the time. It wasn't my choice. It wasn't my decision. But it's what happened, and so I move on.

That long desert road eventually led me to where I am now. And the journey isn't over. I still have a lot to accomplish, a lot to learn, a lot to experience. Whether you join me on this journey doesn't particularily matter to me, although it does make the scenery a little more interesting. But, I can do it on my own, just as I have these past six years.

What lies ahead? Only time will tell. I just hope your watch is ticking a little faster than mine so I can see the outcome sooner. Because I shouldn't be here right now... had it gone another way... six years ago... this Saturday.

Come and Listen

(Inspired by a David Crowder song called "Come and Listen" Originally heard the song through my best friend's blog, Gini Young.)

My God, you are an awesome God. You say that if we are thirsty to come to the water’s edge and drink, for You alone are that which we long for and the only thing that can satisfy that need in our life. You are that refreshing drink. You are my everlasting strength, and the reason I can make it through each day. You are the reason I laugh, the reason I smile, the reason I can proudly say I am a child of God…. Your daughter. Although I may search in many places for that peace, for that love, for that completeness, I know that I am truly not complete without You. No man here on earth will ever satisfy me the way You can. No man here on earth will ever love me as much as You do. God, how I need to be reminded of that daily. I need more of you.

Come.
Listen.
See.
Taste.

Great is our God for He is good. There are numerous people in the Bible who have fought bigger battles than I face. Yet you have done so much for me in my time of need, in my lonliness, in my tears. Why do I doubt, though, that You’ll help me? Why do I fear You’ll forget about me when I’m in my desert? In 1 Kings 19, Elijah was up against a huge army of people and ran to the desert out of fear and hid. Some days I feel like that. Out of my own strength, I am weak, powerless, and fearful. Yet just as Elijah cried out to you, I likewise cry for strength, for belief, and for hope. Hope in a greater thing than any human here on earth can provide. I’ve learned that things here on earth are fleeting. They come and they go. Almost as the tide goes in and out of the ocean. Yet You, Lord Jesus, are the water, quenching any thirst that I may ever have . Your love is like the ocean in that you can see the beginning, but you can’t see where it ends…because it’s un-ending. Thank you for loving me as far as the east is to the west, for believing in me when no one else has, and for blessing me with things unimaginable. And just as you sent an angel to touch Elijah, I pray that you would send an angel to touch me. Heal me, Lord.

I Never Would Have ___ Had I ____.

Have you ever traced your steps backwards to see how you got to where you are now? I was doing that earlier today with a girlfriend of mine as we talked about things going on in our life. I was telling her about a good guy friend of mine back in Atlanta who I actually met online. She asked how we met, so I began tracing the steps backwards for her. It made me realize that had I not had certain things happen to me, he and I would probably never have met. We would have continued to be in each other's backyard (both of us living in Atlanta at the time), but our paths more than likely would have never crossed. He and I have briefly talked about it as well. Had certain things in his life not had happened, he would have never met me. Isn't it interesting to see that everything happens for a reason? Naturally, this all has been orchestraed by God Himself. He knew how he wanted things to work out, but in the midst of it all... when nothing seems like it's going right... things all the sudden begin to get a bit clearer. Suddenly without even realizing it, you're in the middle of His plan. It's a very comforting feeling to look back and realize the God does have everything under control. I never would have met this friend in my hometown had I not moved to California.

I never would have learned how to laugh without restraint had I not cried a thousand tears.

I never would have had the opportunity to live in California had someone not believed in me.

I never would have appreciated life to its fullest had I not almost lost in a matter of seconds.

I never would have blessings abundantly had I not recognized where my blessings came from.

and finally....

I never would have found Jesus had I not realized my need for Him in all things.

Fill in the blank... I never would have ____ had I ____.