Six Years Ago... This Saturday

Saturday will be.... six years. Wow. How can life change in a matter of seconds? How can your life go from seeing things at a higher view and the next view you're sitting?

This time of year is always very reflective for me. Mixed with feelings of sadness, bitterness, and mourning... but also realizing that I wouldn't have had the opportunities I have now had this not happened to me. Mourning what I had, what I want, and what I know it could be like. I want my old life back, and sometimes these days are harder than I portray.

But I AM a strong woman... one who can endure MUCH PAIN and STILL hold her head up high. I don't need anyone to do it for me. I don't need your sympathy, but I do want your understanding. To realize that not everything is as it seems. To realize that I AM a woman with a heart, with emotions, with a mind. What I speak of doesn't stop me, doesn't get in my way, and doesn't make me "incomplete." I can almost gaurantee you that I know more about life and the value of living than most women here on earth. I know what matters. Just because I can't kick a soccer ball with you doesn't mean I don't know how to have fun. Just because you'll never see me stand in front of you in a short skirt and high heels doesn't mean I'm not alluring in my own way. And just because I can't dance with you in your arms doesn't mean I don't have joy in my heart. Life is more. Life has more for those who want it. MY life matters to me, and MY life matters to my Lord. Those are the only two people I have to answer to in the end. And I know my end almost came.... six years ago on Saturday.

Don't say you're not ready, because you never know when your readiness might not even matter. I was here today, I could be gone tomorrow. Just as it happened... six years ago this Saturday. It didn't matter what I wanted at the time. It wasn't my choice. It wasn't my decision. But it's what happened, and so I move on.

That long desert road eventually led me to where I am now. And the journey isn't over. I still have a lot to accomplish, a lot to learn, a lot to experience. Whether you join me on this journey doesn't particularily matter to me, although it does make the scenery a little more interesting. But, I can do it on my own, just as I have these past six years.

What lies ahead? Only time will tell. I just hope your watch is ticking a little faster than mine so I can see the outcome sooner. Because I shouldn't be here right now... had it gone another way... six years ago... this Saturday.