Missing Home

I am really, really missing home today. That stinging, burning feeling keeps pushing at the forefront of my eyes, warning me that tears are about to fall. I think if I blink really fast, it will hold the water from spilling over.

So much going on in my life that I wish I were around my family right now. I feel like I'm on the verge of diving into that black hole of depression. I hate this feeling. I know it well. I'm trying to stay busy, stay empowered, stay strong, but today isn't that type of day. Today, I'd be ok with just staying in my bed, even though it's 88 degrees outside and blue skies and sunshine. I don't feel as happy as the day looks.

This "about to be 30 years old" feeling sucks, too. So many things I would have thought I would have done or been by this point. Mainly, I dreamed of being married with a child by this point. It saddens me deep inside when I hear of another friend or co-worker getting married or expecting a child. Why can't that be me? When will that be me? My rebelious and hateful spirit wants to once again blame Jennifer for causing all of these setbacks in my life. And God, too.

And it's snowing in Georgia today. I wish I was there to experience it all. I hate when fun things happen without me, and it seems as if everyone is thoroughly enjoying this snowfall without me.

The stinging in my eyes won't subside. I need to find a distraction. I miss home.